The Importance of Disappointment

Hi. I’m back. I sincerely promise that I am going to get back into this blogging thing. Sometimes when your life is unbalanced, your work suffers. That has certainly been true when it comes to my writing schedule. Life is funny like that. If by “funny”, I mean cruel. I used to imagine that life was my companion, always at my side, ready to tackle anything that comes my way. But as I get older, I have realized that life is a large, all-encompassing ocean that just throws wave after wave at you; you have to either be on top of it, or you’ll get swept up and knocked down until the waters are still once more. I know it’s a little dramatic, but just bear with me.

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I faced a disappointment today. And it wouldn’t have been nearly as brutal had it not felt like “life” had set the whole thing up only for me to be yanked away from it at the last moment. Again, dramatic, but my mind seems to work only in metaphors.

All my life, I’ve been waiting for a sign or an experience to tell me exactly what it is that I should be doing. When I started college, I wanted to pursue something I loved: writing. So, I became an English major. For the most part, I loved it, but about two years into the program, I found myself sitting in a Jane Austen class, worrying if all those people who told me I wouldn’t make any money were right. Don’t get me wrong, I loved that class, and I learned a lot about social class and feminism, and how Jane Austen’s work is just as prevalent today as it was in the 1800s. I began to doubt my future as an author, so I panicked and rushed to find a way out only to run right into the communication department (yet another degree that is relentlessly teased for being a useless major, but I didn’t know that at the time. And actually, that accusation is completely false, but I will get into that another time).

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What I realize now that I didn’t at the time is that I had no clue what kind of jobs a communication degree could get me, but it was exactly what I needed in the moment: new and full of opportunities. As I got my feet wet in the department, I struggled to narrow in on a concentration. I was stuck between not knowing what I wanted to do and feeling an overwhelming desire to follow my dreams. Here’s the thing about dreams, they are always changing. When I was 9, my dream was to open a vet/groomer/boarding/puppy play palace. Now, that dream feels like a logistical nightmare. The reason I was so torn was because I didn’t know what my “dream” was. I had heavy interests in maybe screenwriting, maybe casting, maybe production, but I was also still very much in love with writing and wanted to see what my options were in media relations. It wasn’t that I didn’t know what to do, but that I had too much to pick from. I also had a fear that if I picked just one, it would be the wrong one and I’d have to start all over.

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So, I took a few film and public relations classes, and while I do still love the idea of one day writing my own television series or movies, I discovered a previously unknown love of public relations. It was something that clicked and that I was actually good at. This brings us to present-day. I graduate next May, and I have decided on the public relations concentration.  On a whim and on the fear of not having enough job experience when I graduate, I applied to several internships. To my utter surprise, I got an email requesting a phone interview. It didn’t matter to me at the time whether I got the position or not, because I only applied out of fear of regretting it if I didn’t. After a great phone interview, I was called in for an in-person interview, and the more I learned about the organization, the more excited I got. Each time I interviewed, I felt more and more confident that I had found that sign I’d been looking for.  For the first time, I was able to envision myself having an actual career. The position would give experience in not only public relations writing, social media, photography, but script writing, too, for their film and media department. I didn’t have to pick just one concentration; I really could have it all! Out of dozens of applications, I was one of three people vying for the internship.

It felt like the position had just fallen into my hands. If only I had caught it.

It’s easy to feel sorry for yourself and blame things like this on “Life”, but sometimes things just happen for a reason. It wasn’t the right time or place. I wasn’t the right person for the job. I still feel like I would have done a great job and I would have learned a lot. I may be a little bruised, but overall, I feel stronger than I did before this whole experience. Even though I didn’t get the position, I did not leave empty-handed. I left with the knowledge that I am a good writer, that I am able to successfully be in the running for the job of my “dreams” and the experience to try harder the next time I’m given the opportunity.

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It’s Been A While

It’s been a while since I’ve graced you with my presence, so I figured I would jump right in with a life update.

At the beginning of this month, my oldest sister, Angela, had foot surgery to remove some bone spurs that were causing pain on the back of her heel.

Her beautiful doctor 😍
Sorry, I know it’s gross.
This is after her surgery–good as new!

For the past month, I have been living with her and her husband and driving her to work, to her doctor appointments–basically anywhere she needs to go. I’m her full-time uber and occasional cook.

These are from back when she wasn’t completely dependent on me for her transportation. Look how happy we were….

It’s been alright, but I definitely miss my alone time. Yes, I love my sister and would do anything for her, but if I’m being honest, I really agreed to it so I could cuddle with her cat, Charlie. He’s the love of my life. But, it’s been hard being away from home. I know I’ve written before about my bedroom being my safe haven, and I have been a little home sick for those calm evenings spent drinking tea surrounded by the heavy aroma of Target candles. In about a month, I will be able to go home.

I’m also taking summer classes this summer, which I am strangely excited for. Hopefully, they all go well. It’s starting to set in how close I am to finishing college. I’m almost free! But then I get sucked into a downward spiral when I think about applying and interviewing for jobs. So, I try and float somewhere between harsh reality and denial.

Anyway, I really just needed this post to get me started again, so I hope you enjoyed this brief bridge piece. I’ll be back shortly!

Formal Lookbook

So this past Saturday was my sorority’s spring formal. It was a lot of fun, but I mean, anytime I get to hang out with Amberlyn and Cassandra is a good time. We got all dolled up and took tons of pictures, so here is a bunch of pictures that I took before we left.

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I really love this one because it looks like we are at prom!
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Here is the beautiful Cassandra, who is so photogenic that it should be a crime
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And the lovely Amberlyn! I like to imagine that she is thinking of me 🙂 but she’s probably thinking about her adorable new puppy!

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This is me and my friend, Darby.

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My absolute favorite picture of MAC 
So there you go! I hope you enjoyed these pictures. It was a lot of fun to capture these snapshots of my life, and I hope to continue with photography.

I know I haven’t been posting as frequently, but I’m trying to get back into the groove of things. As always, thanks for reading (or in this case, viewing)!

Beauty Favorites

I am far from a “beauty-guru”, but I do like to dabble every so often into makeup products. My most recent obsession is nail polish. I have always been a nail-biter (gross, I know), but I have made it a priority to grow out my nails. This also apparently means that I am physically incapable of resisting to buy every nail polish I come in contact with. If you want a great deal, check out the Sinful Colors Professional line available at Target (only $1.99!!!). I have three already  so far!

Eyes

If I had to get rid of everything and keep only one makeup product, it would be my Urban Decay Naked 2 Palette. I still think back fondly on the day I first bought it. I’ve had it for over a year and I absolutely love it.

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Another go-to for me is the Wet N Wild black liquid eyeliner. The brush is very stiff so its easy to get straight, dark lines. The only issue I currently face is that it is a huge pain to remove at night, leaving me with odd black marks along my eyelid. But no other eyeliner has come close to its accuracy, plus its super affordable. I know it’s technically water proof, but not even Holy Water from Heaven above could get this stuff off.

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Lips

A few months ago, I went to Atlanta with Cassandra. While there, I went to Sephora for the first time in my life (sad, I know). I was pretty overwhelmed at first and kept thinking that we would get in trouble for playing with the makeup. Somewhere between Cassandra doing my eyebrows and giving myself a manicure, I fell in love with the Kat Von B. Everlasting Liquid Lipstick (in the shade Lolita). It is such a beautiful color, but sometimes a little dark for everyday wear. However, Cassandra told me that they are almost never in stock, so I snagged it.

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Face

I’ve added a few new products to my (previously non-existent) skin care routine. The first is the Shea Moisture African Black Soap Clarifying Mud Mask which I’ve never really done before but now I’m obsessed with. I feel like a whole new person afterwards.

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I also recently purchased St. Ives new oil scrub. I use it at night to wash my face. Because it is an oil scrub, it can tend to make my already oil-prone face more oily, but I like the way it leaves me feeling refreshed. So I use it mostly as a way to wash my face after I remove my makeup. Side note: my friends would be so proud of the effort I’ve made to make sure my makeup is off before I go to bed.

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My next skin care product is e.l.f.’s Illuminating Eye Cream. It is supposed to get rid of those dark bags that accompany me throughout the day. I just bought it (like today) so I guess I can’t really call it a “favorite”, but I’m really excited to use it, so it counts!

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Body

My final beauty (?) product is this body wash that Cassandra has me hooked on. It is the Dr. Bronner’s Pure-Castile Soap in the scent Tea Tree. When we lived together, I hated this stuff because it smelled like twigs, but it’s kind of grown on me, mostly because it leaves me feeling SO CLEAN. Seriously, my entire shower experience has changed. Whenever this one runs out (which will probably be when I’m 87), I want to try the lavender one.

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I hope you beauties enjoyed this post! Hopefully, this awakening I’ve had with beauty products will lead to more informed posts in the future.
***ALL IMAGES ARE FROM GOOGLE

We’re the Ladies: Female Friendships

Good evening!

I have been reflecting and reminiscing on my friendships through the years and just wanted to share how much I love my two best friends for a little post-galentine’s post.

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Friendships have always been a struggle for me, especially ones with girls.  I’m not really sure why other than maybe my crippling insecurity and social awkwardness. Whatever the reason, it didn’t start out this way.

I made my first friend at just 5 years old. When I walked into my kindergarten class, I was very nervous. I remember being told to walk over to the reading area, which consisted of one bookshelf and one of those rugs that had roads twisting and curving all across it. I stood in the middle of the rug as the other students joined me, and then a little girl with short blonde pigtails walked right up to me. She stuck out her hand, and said, “Hi, I’m Ashley. Do you want to be my friend?” It seemed so easy. My dumb, naive mind thought that was enough, but as fate would have it, I moved away and I never saw Ashley again.

Making friends from that point on proved to be much more difficult. I was good at being friendly with people, and when I was in high school, it never occurred to me that I didn’t have real friends, because I was casual-friends with everyone. I always had someone to talk to in my classes and a table to sit at during lunch.

By the time I got to college, I was yearning for something more, something deeper. I joined a sorority and in what felt like no time at all, I was welcomed into a close-knit group of girls who loved me for who I was.

Here, I met my best friends.

Amberlyn is my Big Sister in my sorority, and because of this, our bond is both unbreakable and undeniable. When I first met her, I felt like I always do when put in an unfamiliar situation, which is awkward and shy. I thought she was the coolest girl there, so witty and sarcastic, and I needed her to be my friend. In the first few months of our friendship, I was in awe of her. She is such a selfless person and will go out of her way for the people that she cares about. Not only that, but she is brilliant and hilarious and beautiful, and by knowing her I feel like I am some of these things, too. She is dedicated and independent and will do amazing things with her life. I count myself lucky that I get a glimpse at all of the incredible things she will accomplish. No matter how far away she goes, I will follow (Sorry, but you’re stuck with me).

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Cassandra is my ex-roommate, but forever-friend. She is my partner in crime at school, and we will (hopefully) finish next May (for real, fingers crossed). I feel like we are opposites in every way (she is classy and refined, whereas I am…not) and yet we have also formed this bond that I am so lucky to have in my life. She is beautiful and charismatic and just so amazing. She is also someone who I desperately wanted to be friends with from the moment I met her. She is so open, fun, and caring. Living with her was one of the best decisions of my life, because I honestly feel that we would not be as close if we hadn’t had that experience.

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They are both so important to me–more than I could ever put into words. I know, without a doubt, that I could talk to them about anything and everything. I accept them for their (sometimes brutal) honesty and they accept me for my many, many flaws. While our college careers are coming to a close (some sooner than others), I am reflecting on these relationships with admiration and nostalgia. I am sad for the things that will end (late night chats, fits of laughter, and sleep-overs), but I look forward to the things to come, like visiting each other in different, exciting cities across the states, or even abroad.

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Female friendships are odd, but they can also be some of the strongest bonds you ever form. I am so glad I found these girls to live and learn with through this most tumultuous time in our lives–our twenties!–and for many years to come.

Thank you.

How I Relieve Stress

As someone who struggles with self-diagnosed anxiety, I am no stranger to stress. Working part-time, taking a full load of classes, and tutoring on the side sometimes leaves me feeling overwhelmed. It is important to understand how anxiety affects you and find ways to relax that suit you. I can physically feel most of my tension fall away as soon as I set foot in my bedroom, my safe haven. I get incredibly homesick (or room-sick) when I leave each morning. If it were up to me, I would forever lie in my bed with my dog curled up against my leg and Gilmore Girls playing on a loop next to me.

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One of the first things I do is light my candles. I have four right now that I light every day. Believe it or not, but I used to think candles lasted for years before I met my dear friend, Cassandra. When we lived together, we lit candles every day which got me addicted and made me broke. From that point on, I was a changed, candle-hoarding, woman. My favorites are the Signature Soy ones from Target.

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Next, I make some tea. I have a small variety of teas that I choose from. While the water heats up, I take a quick shower. I am somebody who values my sleep above all else, so I don’t usually have the time in the morning to spend showering, so I do it at night to wash away all the day’s struggles and frustrations.

Usually at this point in the evening, I am cool, calm, and collected. With my room smelling warm and fragrant from the candles, and a hot mug of Honey Vanilla Chamomile tea (my current obsession), I sit at my desk and unwind by either catching up on my favorite YouTubers or reading a book.

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This has been my relaxation routine, which kind of turned into my nightly routine, but anyway, it has really benefited me and my sanity.

 

***Images from Google; Gif from giphy.com***

66 Thoughts I Had While Watching Girls (S6E2)

It’s Sunday night, which means Girls is back on! It also means that I have to wake up early and go to class. But that’s kind of why I love Sunday nights so much. It’s one last hurrah before reality sinks in.

Girls is one of my favorite shows—I could just watch it on a loop for the rest of my life and never get bored, which is why this season is so important to me. First of all, it is a new season with new story lines, and secondly, it is the last season. I am so sad to see all of these characters go, but I am completely confident in Lena’s writing that it will be incredible.

We’re only on the second episode of the series, and I’ve been doing something fun with my friends. We’ve been live-chatting (snapchatting) each other our reactions as we watch the show, and it has been really hilarious.

I haven’t posted in a while, so I wanted tonight’s to be a fun one. Here are a few of my thoughts I had while watching episode 2 of Girls. Be warned, this includes spoilers!

  1. Right off the bat, really uncomfortable sex scene with Marnie and Desi
  2. Why is Marnie like this?
  3. Oh, please just stop. This is so awkward.
  4. Hannah’s hair is scarily similar to my current hair style
  5. Elijah and Hannah are so cute. I love their relationship/bond they have formed over the seasons!
  6. SO EXCITED! Elijah and Shosh are hanging out! I love when characters that don’t usually do scenes together, get together for an episode!
  7. “Where’d you get this number?”—Elijah
  8. Elijah is nude from the waist down! (But forreal, I love his little bubble butt!)
  9. Jessa and Shoshanna doing a video message for their grandma is adorable!
  10. Love Jessa’s hair!
  11. Video message got weird real fast.
  12. Jessa: “You work in the market, right?” Shosh: “I work in marketing”. DEAD.
  13. WHERE IS ADAM?
  14. I really don’t like Desi.
  15. Hannah has such a unique way of running.
  16. JOY BRYANT! Love her!
  17. This season is definitely giving me some OG Season 1 vibes, but in the best possible way! The characters have grown so much!
  18. I can’t with Marnie.
  19. Joy Bryant’s character is a little extra.
  20. Hannah is completely mesmerized by her.
  21. Love the lemon shirt!
  22. I really want to start collecting tea pots because of this episode.
  23. Also I’m kind of starting to wonder if Joy Bryant even works there. Like, did she just steal that and give it to Hannah?
  24. Desi looks like straight-up Where’s Waldo.
  25. He just tried to bite her boob.
  26. Why is Hannah even going with them?
  27. I really love that tea pot set.
  28. Marnie looks like she belongs on Big Little Lies (Side note: GREAT FIRST EPISODE TONIGHT)
  29. Elijah’s outfit is amazing.
  30. Shoshanna’s leaf clutch is so Shosh (side note: props to costume designer)
  31. What is Elijah’s last name?
  32. Shosh’s romper is so cute!
  33. Jamba Jeans? Really?
  34. Is Elijah pretending to be straight?
  35. I want to punch these Jamba Jean girls in the face.
  36. Oooooh Elijah is about to get some!…in the bathroom….
  37. ***Desi’s song***(I WAS SHOOK)
  38. Desi is a drug addict? He’s off his rocker!
  39. Why does Desi just carry around a brief case full of pills?
  40. Desi and Marnie are arguably more self-destructive than Jessa and Adam re: Season 5 finale
  41. He is SNORTING the crushed pills up from the floor.
  42. Like, there is glass. He’s gonna hurt himself.
  43. Where is Hannah?
  44. Marnie=rude AF
  45. They are dragging him out the door.
  46. This is giving me Hush flashbacks (Great movie on Netflix…check it out)
  47. She’s going to crush his hand in the window!
  48. He just broke the window!
  49. Hannah, the spatula, really?
  50. HE BROKE THE TEAPOT.
  51. This is such a sweet Marnie and Hannah episode
  52. WHERE IS ADAM DRIVER?
  53. Shosh’s hair is so pretty right now
  54. Elijah went there!!
  55. Adam does NOT have oral herpes.
  56. Shosh is gonna go after my man like that?
  57. Shoshanna is totally going to tell Ray about Desi and Marnie
  58. Jessa did NOT ruin Shosh’s life! How rude. (side note: Jessa gets such a bad rap, but she doesn’t pull people into her mess of a life; people come willingly. And that is no one’s fault but their own.)
  59. I hate seeing Shoshanna cry.
  60. Why are they so mean to Jessa?
  61. Jessa’s trench coat is everything.
  62. Are they just going to leave Desi there?
  63. Aww, Hannah’s taking care of him
  64. Marnie, don’t leave them. Ok, they’re going together #teamwork
  65. Alison Williams is so beautiful.
  66. WHERE IS ADAM?

***Prepare to have your minds blown. The song that Desi is playing by the window in the kitchen is the same song that Adam plays on the guitar in episode 2 of season 2 when he sends a bunch of hostile songs to Hannah because of their breakup. It is the second song that he plays. I am equally impressed and humiliated that I immediately recognized that song, because I am a hardcore creeper of Girls and have watched every episode a hundred million times, sooooo…

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this post. It really only makes sense to anyone who has already watched the episode, so we’ll see if I do this again in the future.

Hope everyone has a great week!